reach hm at 8 todae. mum's angry wif dat. i dunno. mabbe she's angry wif my sis(s) dat im affected. haiz... its alwaz me e "pumpin bag" to vent anger on. i mean, im an innocent party. juz hav to bear wif it, i guess

the talk was great. lots of things learnt. not much to say on this

in class, try to talk to her. put on a brave side of me. i can see she's avoidin' me. i feel useless. i dunno y but it jz came out from my mind. everyone says im happier w/o her. but do they actually seen e other side of me? i hav to cry... feel sad n ya, she's my bezfren once. i dunno... i jz miss her badly. wish i could jz sit by her n talk but i knw its impossible. wishin' is not all... am i a changed person? do i change after e incident? every night, diz tears will flow by itself strugglin' to accept e reality. why cant i jz forget her?

13 days to go... am i ready for e major exam? or am i ready to leave her? does she miz me e way i miz her? e frenship is special. ours. why do people hav to bother abt us? i dun care even if im taken advantage of but i jz need her... losing her... is lyk losing e other part of me

behind these smiles, laughter, happiness.. sorrowness, tears n sadness appeal before i could actually ends my day. e feelin' is automatic. my mind not at ease. n worst, S hav not been callin' me. why she's angry until now? it makes me pissed off. i did not even hurt ur feelin' but why are you treatin' me n make as if im in e wrong? 13 days to go.... real life will began

while lookin' at e pic in e frenster, saw diz pix of my fren. she was kissed by her besties. well... to think of it.. is it a sin for a fren to kiss her other fren on e cheek? ohh... if e guy were to kiss e gal, it's not a sin but if it was a gal, it is a sin. wad logic is dat? Lame man!~ it is not matured of HIM to think LYK dat... Freakin' GUY... U're juz jealous... JUZ FACE E FACT!~

Shikin, i knw i've been tellin' this all e while but yea, i miz u badly. i miz e frenship. but its impossible for us to be even normal frens. nw, ur meant to be a stranger to me. bcuz u treated me lyk one... u ignore me... n am i really a stranger to u? well... yea.. shd be right. cuz u hav sumone to replaced me. its ok though... i will move on... i will...








Blogged @ 8:48 PM

i dunno... wad shd i really do now? am i a failure? i hope im not. not once, not twice but alwaz. i failed in frenship. i failed to be a gd person. i failed to be a employee. juz wad can i do? will i fail in my studies too? i wanna pass. i dun wan to leave ITE Bishan w/o a cert. i know i can do it. i hav ct, hansen, aisha, lin, hanis, steph n dun forget siew choo. but can i actually pass?? to many to think. workplace, family, friends, relationships but perhaps shdn't think too much. perhaps, muz i juz leave it unattended n let it be unfold itself one day lyk wad happens few days back. im confused. juz want i wan in my life? peace? hatred? grudges? love n affection? i dunno. the tym i need someone, there are no one to listen. used to hav diz gal as my bezfren. she alwaz be there for me. we talked, joked, shared.... but now... she's no more. i dunno where lies the mistakes. y she angry wif me? juz bcuz i bought dat gift, everything change?

workplace... dunno how to describe... dun wanna talk abt it. studies?? uh huh.... i began to "opened" my brain to drill the 2 subject inside n lock it. 2 subject as if 20 subject... haiz.. im juz becomin' more lazy, each n every day. life is miserable.... after watever happens to me, i juz dun feel lyk livin'. scared of mistakes, liars, hypocrites, backstabbers, two-faced.... juz wad im going' thru. have my frens around me but, somethings juz been missin'. perhaps i need to soul-searchin' n reflects on my life...... let bygones be bygones....





Blogged @ 6:24 PM

we ate lunch at sumo-house, japanese restaurant which i nvr thought i wld be eatin' it. quite nice...

this is the menu

this is wad aisha ate.... mee udon if im not wrong

aisha is enjoyin' her food

ct ate this. teriyaki chix set, wif this "expired" soup base

ct wif her food

this is mine. its the japanese fried rice. totally forgot the dish name

hansen ate this... same wif mine but w/o e set

the "expired" soup

after our lunch, aisha still can eat ice-cream. well, guess dat's e dessert for her

after playin' e playground, we headed to the nearest Mcdonalds n sat there for 'tea-tym'. dat is where everything was unfolds... cant believe wad i hv heard jz nw. to think i've done an innocent party for almoz 2 yrs. thought bezfren could be trusted but.... sucks. y do she hav to lie to me? wad does she gained? arGghHh..... damn la. y am i so blinded by her "tricks"? she lied to me, she USED me, n.. now she's hurting me one by one... slowly n patiencely. wad was dat for?? i tot she trust me? i tot she need me lyk wad she alwaz declared. does she ever need me? why am i was so good to her in e 1st place? she doesn't even worth to be treated lyk a princess. where is my frenship for her? vanished in e air? n e gifts i bought? fuck!~ "i treasure all e things u've given me. cant bear to giv these all away. i need u, lyk u need me, but giv me tym to heal from these wounds..." tym? tym for u to "kill" me, am i right? im stupid all these while... am i right? to think these tears flowing down e cheeks for nothing. damn nothing!~ how could u do this to me? why? why am i e victim? i treat u lyk a princess, no one ever get that treat from me. but... how could u? my thoughts towards u changed. totally changed, shikin!~ i hate u. i dun believe u could do this to me. how do i offended u? do i ever offended u? thanks so much... so much that i deserves this....

Blogged @ 8:11 PM

im writing to let u know im ok. though im not strong, i admit. it takes tym to heal. ur angry, but not for long. u wanna talk, but ur mouth are shut. is this e end of our story? u remember our song? my song for u. hurt by christina aguilera. yea, it reflects on us. i cant hide my feelings from u. feel lyk wanna hug u n cry. tears of pain and the suffer i've gone thru all these 2yrs of frenship. many think im stupid. am i? being a fren, a bezfren of urs, stupid?




















Blogged @ 9:18 PM

here it goes...

i hate this man. i dun wan to accuse anyone. i admit i did wrong ok. i know ur angry. but. ya, WTF?!~ where do you get this sources?? i juz told one person abt it. why i still cant accept this? steph have been tiring, reminding me not to take things hard but look... look what've you done. it is wad u called "bezfren"? hey, im proud once... so proud having you as MY bezfren. i boast to peepz how good you are, how things worked out well between us. wad happen now? where's the proudness in you?

i dun regret having you as MY bezfren. steph, im sorry. but i really dun regret having her as one even though wad she hav done to me. serious steph. i dun lie to you. im jz sad. why do this frenship have to end. she declared to me, steph. she said who am i to interfere whether she's going to engaged to him or not. devastated. despair. all emotions are mixed lyk rojak. why steph? why do i have to go thru this?

i know im not alone. i have u, hanis, lin n the rez of my frens. lose one fren, doens't mean u lose all, right steph? whose fault anyway? i cant accept reality. but do i hav a choice. dun think so. why? why God let me go thru this?

shikin, do u hav to resort to this? dun act as if U can hate me. i know, u cant. no matter wad i've done to u, u wouldn't do dat to me. but bcuz ur heart are divided in 2... him n me. i understands it all... u could explain it to me. no doubt i feel hurt. but still, now WE'RE hurt. this will never ends. he hates me. i hates him. but u CANT hate us. u choose him instead.. i know. my instinct said so. i back off, shikin. n i know she will replaced me. be happy gal... lyk i know, i will





Blogged @ 11:23 PM

thanks... i know u would read my blog. well... im sorry if it really makes u angry. i mean, wad's wrong for me to buy a gift for a friend whom used to be my bestfriend? i dun find it a reason for ur blood's boiling up. watever it is, im sorry ok. but get this right, i dun lie to u. anyway, it's juz a gift

i dun get it. dun understand why u get so worked up. u know i'll always buy gifts for her. sucks... jz bcuz of that now we're not talking to each other. fine wif me. if ur gettin' angry or something, dats ur problems. i hv enough. she's giving me this, now ur turn. just my luck la

anyway... starting to write the essay. Hanis still in daze of wad to write. its ok Hanis. the deadline still far ahead. take ur time to compute a nice storyline. as for me, im still thinking how the storyline should go. sucks.. the forget where i put the "thailand's trip pix". nvm... later go n search for it again

talk to steph previous day. thanks steph for the kind advises. haiz... today Lin's going for a date. n here im stuck wif my work. huh!~ nvm... work got money. hope they're having a nice time together

hmm... when im going to start revise? exams are juz around the corner, but yet, im taking my own sweet time to study. dun even mention of study, assignments also nvr hand-up. nice example ain! Mrs Lee are looking-out for those whom nvr hand-up the assignments... *hands-up* me! me! yeah right ain. as if ur telling her dat

haizz.... 21 days to go for Advanced Accounting II and 23 days to go for Auditing. and there goes my frenship wif her... 23 days. counting down to the days... slowly and patiencely. wad's going to hapen next? after 23 days, no more contacting? no more jokes? no more tears? no more smiles? im gonna miss everyone... im gonna miss all my friends, the memories....

wad's more... her. after 23 days, the 2yrs frenship are gone. how am i to accept this reality? Sue... only u know my feelings abt this. Steph, can i go thru this? if only she read this entry... how i feel for the whole incident. but im stupid if im holding on to this frenship. this frenship shd end ages ago. time will heal all wounds. i know. can i??





Blogged @ 11:19 PM

wanna thanks Sue for advising me on my probs. thanks gal. appreciate it very the much. need someone at the moment and she came... right time, right moment. even though she's not a fren who close wif me, but yet, she's there for me. that's what frens are for... Love ya very much!~

yea, back to work juz now. this 2 new guy thought im a newcomer. wow, wad a thought?!~ miss dee very much. saw her today at work, but just a while cuz she hav to punch out as im punching in

but one of the newcomer was "hot", but yet, they're still "mat malaysia". haha... dun worry. im not fallen to that guy. haiz... im sleepy. blog tomorrow la k. thanks Su once again...





Blogged @ 11:18 PM

sucks. think its easy meh? i dun think so. miss her, damn miss her. wad princess said is perfectly true. Life is full of obtacles. y do both of us jz cant accept reality? he really wants U to BE bezfren wif HER, not ME. cant u even realise it? n to think we can argue over this tiny lil' matter. aRgHhH..!! damn it man!

yea btw, sch starts at 8 n fuckingly finish at 10 wen it was supposely to finish at 12. Mrs Lee's on MC. haiz... gotta 4hrs freetime. dunno wad to do. Princess, Amz, Lin n Sarcasticst went off 1st. as i was talkin' to Sal. after she's left, call Sarcasticst askin' where they are. coffee bean. bought Mocha ice-blended. shared wif them as usual. it taste great wen u're sharing ur drinks *wink* *wink*

Lin left at 12. went to gourmet express n had our lunch. talk abt out past thai trip. it was cute to reminisce the past. yea.. the THAI bitches.. erm.. 5 of them i think, am i right? haiz... they are juz bunch of THAI bitches... cant deny the fact, ya know

still hav hr to go. went to bishan lib n sit or rather gossipin'. haha... doing nothin' actually. time flies by...

the workshop was useful. very. i think it did build up my ideas of writing my story. 'TOO MUCH OF EXAGGARATING (did i spell correctly?) SPOILT THE TRUTH OF THE REAL LIFE'. i agreed. very much agreed. muz write true evidence on my Life. Lyk audit u know, TRUTH n FAIRNESS. ahakz

Princess as usual quiet thru the workshop. she wont talk much. it's good to hav vicky, anisa n candy around. overall, the workshop was great. of course the teacher herself is fun. dun feel bored after all

went home wif Sarcasticst. as usual, talk abt her problems. console n share thoughts. i know u will read this so here wad im gonna say:

"Life isn't always about getting wad we want. It will always turn out to be different from wad we want to be. Even though we dun want it to happen, when it did happen, we hav to accept gradually. Life isn't about Loving others. Life on the other hand is about being Loved. Love n being Loved is two different thing. We have to choose which is our choice. You are old enough to think, my dear. Juz remember. We planned everything very nice n smoothly, but HE decide n judge everything. So my dear, Love someone deeply isn't the same wif being Loved by someone
Read n understand. I do hope this will "open" ur heart a lil', my darz..."

so my frens out there. sorry for the long entry. juz post a comments for me ya... thanks for reading it

p/s: to Sal, if u happen to read this, sorry i Lied to u. i dun mean to but i hope u understand why im doing this. afterall, u are still a fren of mine





Blogged @ 11:15 PM

is life full of confusing state? im confused though i dun wan it to. i love him but i hate him. y i hate him? gd question but no answer. yeah... yesterday Valentine's Day. went to watch movie wif my dearest frens. maia n khair, mai n shaun, me n hansen, juz nice... 3 couples.. bluekk!~

we watch "White Lady". kinda scary... as usual la. confirm i will block my cute face with my bag. after watch movie, went eat as we're all die of hunger. to Far East n enter Sakura Cuisine. e food was rather tasty... its been ages since i last eat there. they've renovate it after all...

give her the gift. a big cushion wif two bear hugging each other (me n her) wif the tittle..."FOREVER FRIENDS". haiz... 24/7 sighin'. she was surprised i gav it to her. well, i gav it to her out of SINCERITY. nothin' Less... nothin' more... SWEAR

went hm together wif her, mai n ida. talked to her... kind of lyk pathetic ass man... well.. referrin' to me. ya... we tried to settle things but i guess its jz to0 late. while clarifyin' things to her, tears drop on my cheek. cant believe i cried... guess i muz be missin' her to0 much... so much dat nothin' can express my feelins'

2mrw audit case. e only period i could sit by her side n joke as per normal. its hard... damn hard. both of us appreciate frenship, but fate decide upon us both. we planned, HE decide. she says my feelins' is 50 - 50 to accept reality. am i? we cant rush things... it concerns two hearts, two minds n two souls. one hav to giv in but in our case BOTH giv in. in the end, BOTH hurts. thats life i supposed

life is full of challenges. reality is part n parcel of life. wad could i do? im jz a plain, pathetic, bitch who cares for others feelins' but not mine. the bottom of the story, im jz plain stupid, right? hmm...

anyway, im fucked up wif somthing. where is justice? is this the world of chinese and there's no malays? Biased! its hard if people are TOO favouritism. wad a luck living in this favouritism world. people dun APPRECIATE others. they thought they are SMART.. SMART ASSHOLES, i can say. sucks. graduating so0n but the attitude... OMG... cant be expressed man. am i paranoid? nahh... dun think so. those who thinks they are affected, well... too bad i guess...
get to know sumtin. was browsing the friendster using Lin's n i actually saw sumtin i shouldn't see. hate it man... sad, anger, everything comes... ARGHHH!!

Mrs Lee referred me to counselling but i ignore it. for wad? its the same. juz wasting my precious time talking to the counsellor n in the end, im still lyk diz. no use man. she's furious why i did not hand up any.. i repeat.. ANY assignments.. NONE man.. i did hand up NONE. she's very, very, very damn worried abt me n my recent attitude. yeah... i've changed to the bad n NASTY ain

changed for the better of for the worst? u guys guess n lemme know. hah!~





Blogged @ 11:13 PM

today got spotcheck. i was sleeping den suddenly come three teacher into the class. i was shocked, immediately took out my earring... heng ah! after the spotcheck done, eh yea, steph was caught. thought was her shoes... but later found out its her fingernails... well... "manicured" fingernails. served u right, steph. after spotcheck, cannot sleep. haiyahh... wasted! anyway...

got a msg frm mdm salinah saying dat my slot for tuesday hav been changed to friday. for ur info, im joining the inspirational writing competition. im gonna write my story...mabbe will be published. we'll see. hanis joining to0. yea.. both of us...

as for me n shikin, we talked as usual. juz classmates... not more, not less. anyway, blog another time...





Blogged @ 11:12 PM

hey... im back again. yea.. sumtink happen to e pc outside so had to use my sis pc now. niway, life is quite great for the rest of the weekends. work as usual. oh yeah. im joining the NDP Motivators these year as well. haha... so-called senior this time... YEA!

we decided to be JUZ frens...CLASSMATES! (FOR THOSE DUN UNDERSTAND WAD IS CLASSMATES..... DEN TO0 BAD LA HUH!). we talk lyk usual self. n yea, dun ever underestimate me... MY ABILITY. niway, its late... wanna sleep... blogging chiaoz!





Blogged @ 11:11 PM

should i feel regretted? or jz a relief after wad hav happen ? i started the talking after a Long fight. yea. it was hard though, "push" down my ego feelins and walked to her. it was all complicated feelins. anger, happy, sad.... everything was mixed lyk a "rojak"

i feel something amiss when she's not by my side. Life hav to move on. i gav her a letter, how i felt. she replied. im happy though the letter hurts me. i don't know how she felt. but i affects me deeply

the letter, the incident. everything...i just hope dat one day she will realise how deep my affection of frenship for her. people may thought differently, but if she is really my true fren, she will understand it all...





Blogged @ 11:09 PM

well... how and where to start? we began talking to each other. Life was painful for a few days back. wanna thanks god for making this back. been thinking day and night wad im going to do or say to her. guess i cant talk as wad i used to do. things much more different. if only she understands....





Blogged @ 11:08 PM

Life is great so far. slowly, time heal all wounds. for as far as i concern, i started to start a new "book" in me. let everything happens, left behind me. i wouldn't want to bring it along. if ur reading this, im sorry for wad hav happened. although its hard to move ahead w/o u by my side, im tryin'. i know, u on the other side, struggling lyk me. we hav to move on, dats wad u said. i guess all the memories are erased by ur disputes anger. here im tryin' to relied on the memories, there u've been destroying it. its hard to swallow the pain but i hav to, i guess. n yes, i hav many frens around me, but remember our promises...yeah..it will alwaz in my heart though unwanted things happen. i know u would read this. i know u knew very well that i couldn't forget u even though i tried so hard. life have to move on. a lesson to be learnt. ur the besties in my heart alwaz n will alwaz be there. thanks for everything....





Blogged @ 11:07 PM

so how? whose fault? still no idea. mai says its my fault. e rest says it wasnt my fault. im confused. why must it happen now? i cant believe wad she have said. "u want to cry, cry ah. u got ur other frens beside u wad.." she said that. is this my bezfren? e one that i've alwaz proud of? am i blind or wad? my heart disheartened e moment i know abt this. wanna cry, i cant. ape yg kau dendam sangat pat aku ah? cuba ckp... jz bcuz of him u change drastically. u told me words that i cant trust now. everything lyk... blown by e wind. WTF!! i dun regret knowing you... but im hurt by wad u've done. this wad i deserves? dunno where gone wrong. Mai says i treated u more than a fren. even if i do, its just a love n concern a sis to a sis. people may think differently, but u know me. u said u know me. why go back on ur words now? n now, u hate me to the core. where's justice? y must it happen now? y not ages ago? orang lain pon ambek gambar mcm tu. knape kiter tak bole? tak dosa pe. aku tk fhm ah dgn tu laki...





Blogged @ 11:00 PM

what's went wrong? one and a half years of frenship, ends just lyk diz? who's at fault? me or her? i love her just lyk i love my other sis. but after what hapen, i feel blinded by it. where's the mistakes? aku tahu kau baca ni blog, kin. sape yg bersalah kin? just becuz of the pic, u blame everything on me. that's unfair.

kau gaduh dgn dier, kau salahkan aku...everything punca dari aku. memang dier important dlm hidup kau, i can sense that. u shd just left me ages ago. kau yg jaga hati aku, in the end, kau juga yg lukakan nyer. i cant take it anymore kin. i have to let go the frenship. aku taknak terus dipersalahkan...cukup dgn ape yg dah berlaku. this stupid, crap incident made me realise yg kau tak pernah hargai persahabatan ini. kalau kau hargai, kau takkan sanggup lukakan hati aku....just bcuz of that guy...jgn ckp dia ah, just bcuz AZHAR.

n one more thing....jgn skali² kau ingat aku takut dgn AZHAR. tu jgn merepek, dier sape nak hina aku. kau suke ah dier hina aku. seburuk² aku, eh, aku tak pernah ah hina kau. btw, kau blm sarung cincin, ok. lain lah kalau kau da sarung tu cincin. ape, c fazli tu lelaki terakhir per pat dunia nie? this is my frenster. i do wad i lyk, i wrote wad i tot, i speak wad i wan. nobody can prevent me doing that. aku tabah dgn ujian tuhan. thanks ah eh kerana ade bodyguard untuk hina aku. i appreciate it very, very much





Blogged @ 10:56 PM

trying on a new blog for a new year. things started great this year. but, yea, who doesnt have problems. a normal person shd have a simple problems.
frenship or relationship?
which is more important?
u think, u guess, u answer....





Blogged @ 10:52 PM