even though i had been not asleep for almost 36 long hours





Blogged @ 11:15 AM

start the day fine...
cant wait to meet my "mummy" today
but... hMpH!~
Fiona never turn up today
i was actually badly wanting to meet her and Hau Teng
so sad she doesnt turn up today

enter the indoor stadium at Simei ITE
hug "mummy" after approached her
miss her so muchhiess.....
*sob* *sob*
(If only Fiona was there jz now)

prac was okayz, i guess
costume sizing was done, finished
shoe sizing too was done, finished
juz left to see the REAL costume shirt
select PINK...
wad a colour

so here it goes again
being selected to be a Team Leader again
was okay with it bcuz "mummy"(s) trust me, again
thanks God for that

Juaini is my Asst TL diz year
bezzzz!!!!~~
she's cute
Fia call her "Misha Omar"
Eja call her "Siti Nordiana"
apa-apa aje la

in my heart,
i've longed to have a guy fren
well...
im not lyk all girls
im not the soft type
more to the hard type
guys wouldn't lyk it
but i guess
its ok w/o having them as a fren
its not lyk im desperate in this
before i ends my day
here a few quote for the readers
....................................................................................

it's good to find out about yourself also through different experiences
and find out the things that you are good at
the things you enjoy doing...

every experience is a process of learning about yourself
and growing through them
whether they are happy experiences
or not so happy ones...

we all become better people through these things....

but recognise that we are all different people...
especially with younger people
coz everyone is trying to find their identities and their styles...

so don't worry ...
just play along and joke along with them...
get to know them as your friends first before anything else...

and you'll find that even though they have their own way of doing things
they'd still like to help you along and make things easy for you..

so press on! don't give up!

ps: quote by Hau Teng, one of my "Mummy"





Blogged @ 10:20 PM

wad is luv?
are luv originally comes from the Heart or juz an infatuation?
why do i feel as if im alone?
why do they care much more for outsiders than their own?
do outsiders understand them more than their own?
are relationships more important than their own?
i Thanks God for giving me a good, healthy life
i longed for this affection
why do i get this kind of loving wen im with MY FRENZ?
why? why? why?
Steph and her sis are perfectly a strong bond
Lin and her sis are so close
Hanis, Amz and the rest of my frenz, too
but why cant i?
i get love from her
the affection and attention that i supposedly to get from my own but i got it from her
and i gladly thanks God for it for having her by my side
my heart is hurt so deeply inside
no one
NO ONE understand this
i cried in my heart
all i can do is convince myself
"wen im dead, i'll be alone"
im crying here, alone
without no one by my side
i have lost her
the frenship, the care and concern, the love and affection
only God knows how im feeling right now
i wanna cry
but who can i cry on?
i could only depend on myself
im not trying to get ur pityness for me
im letting out my feelings so that wen u read it, u know what im going through
all i can do is call Suk up and talk
but i wouldn't do that
i dunno why
what i know now
I MISS HER BADLY
PLS CALL ME UP ONE DAY
JUZ 5 MINs WILL DO
crying for her
missing her badly

ps: (Ya Allah! Kau berikanlah aku pentunjukmu kepada jalan yang kau redhai)





Blogged @ 9:38 PM

14 April 2007

Have prayer feast at my aunt's house at Yishun. after the prayer feast, Udynn and Tasha went to bought the cake. wow weee.... a Mango Cake... 2 Mango Cake. Nice nice nicey..... the pics are not uploaded yet but will be upload later by my cuzzin...


15 April 2007

My Mum's Birthday!!!! yea yea... waited for night to come. the whole famz went out for dinner... yea.. dinner at 10pm


16 April 2007

went to interview for work today. haha... found a job at last... dunno wad to say.. so later later la ehk...





Blogged @ 7:23 PM

felt lyk crying
bit by bits it biting my heart out
try to be nice
but wad do i get?
heart pains...
aching here and there
wanna shout my heart out
but i cant
it juz so unbearable
(ya allah, kenapa harus aku dilanda masalah ini)
tears jz waiting to flow
is it my fault if the bike was faulty
jz wad did i do wrong
one whole day.... the whole day....
i can jz pray to God
pray to Him that 2mrw will be a fine day
i hope it will
this heart cant take it anymore
if i were explode
it will be a sin to me
but do all sin is made by the child itself
do all sin created by them
would parents be excluded
would they
my heart were torn into pieces
small tiny pieces





Blogged @ 6:53 PM

6 April 2007

meet Zie at almost 6pm at LJS Bugis. and well, Mas'ud and Farah was there too. oh my, Farah is my school mate but yet, i never seen her in school before. BUT thanks to Aisha Z, Farah know me a bit here and there

after meeting them, we went to Bugis Junction. window-shopping, while Mas'ud waiting for his fren (think its Joe). our stomach grumbling lyk hell, so decide to eat at Beach Rd. oh no.... walk summore~!

we argue for a moment. Joe insists the orther direction whereas Farah insists the other. Zie and i was lyk, WTH??... we finally decide to follow Farah WHICH leads us to nowhere. haha... kind of funny la. we were supposed to go Beach Rd.... i was lyk, "...eh eh, this is RAFFLES HOTEL..." guess where are we... YUPZ.... CITY HALL

and we were lyk... "...OMG. we are at CITY HALL..."

we kind of search here and there and guess.... we REACH Bugis back again. i was lyk... SIAK AHH.... kiwek...

tired, we give up and guess where we eat our dinner.... ZAM ZAM RESTAURANT... yupz, located near Sultan Mosque. we ate 2 chix murtabak and 1 mutton murtabak. after eat, time to separate. we, girls, hang out at Starbucks at Bugis Street. we talked and talked, doesnt concern the tym. i ordered the drinks and guess who serves me? Ishak, my secondary sch's fren. it was lyk ages ago since i last met him. he's grown to a Handsome guy

took a LOT of pix together. im tired.... look at Farah's watch and was lyk, its 11pm. tym to go home.... (sad). headed to MRT where we waited for Farah's train to come first and den me and Zie took our train

reach Tampines, walked home

reach home at around 12am. so damn tired. after doing normal routines, tym to head to my pillow. received a msg from Nick. called Nick and we talked until 2am. we talked about us and stuffs. i wouldnt want to put down the phone cuz i miss Nick so much. Nick is dat special sumone i talked about in my previous post. i love Nick alot.... Nick too, love me alot

7 April 2007

today, do nothing at home. sleep, eat and sleep again
waiting for Farah to come back from work
while waiting, me and Zie could actually sleep seyy
this Farah eh, lyks to make herself tired out
i miz Farah and Zie
planning to go Sentosa 2mrw with my Famz... and with my both galfrenz
cant wait for the excitement





Blogged @ 11:37 PM

If I was one thing, I'd be a candle
Lighting the way so you can handle
Your life easier without woes
Not having to fight with your foes.

I'd help keep you from stumbling over
Things blocking your path to an open door.

If I light your path, life is easier,
Even strong winds, my light will not deter.
No matter what, I'm here for you
To cheer you up when you are blue.

Do not fret when times get tough,
If things look down or kind of rough.

Just remember, I'm always here,
In your heart, close and near.
I will help you out in every way,
Happiness and love in your heart will stay.

Don't blow me out, that's one request
Unless it's me you do detest.
I do not try to hurt anyone
That isn't good or any fun.

But one day you may leave me behind
You may no longer need my light to shine.
If that day comes, go on your way
And I will hope to see you again one day.

If one day, I don't appear,
Do not worry, do not fear
I may be gone, but in your heart
The light I gave you did not depart.

It will be there forever and a day
To always bring happiness and light your way.
Farewell for now, I'm needed elsewhere
If your path grows dark, in your heart, I'm there.

So I'm really not gone, just not seen,
I would not leave, I'm not that mean.
Only one simple request that I must say,
Please, never forget those who lit your way



it remind me of special sumone... dat special sumone who once brighten up my day. that special sumone who gives me hopes and let me dream high.

wen i woke up from my dream, i cried.
dat special sumone is gone... left me behind... ALONE
im lost! i dunno wad to do without dat special sumone.

i wan dat special sumone back.
no one could ever replace the place dat special sumone once sitted inside my heart

now, all i can do i Pray.
Pray to GOD to let dat special sumone come back to me
it is impossible....
but MIRACLE could happen.....





Blogged @ 9:56 PM

i screamed and yelled....
why do everything became lyk diz...
am i wrong in the first place?
everyone have their own reasons, their own Life
why do we bother about others?

my life example...

i have a fren, BEZFREN

why do people put grudges on me?
i never disturb any of their personal life
why do mine being disturbed?

emotionally was dragged....

where do i go wrong?
i have a lot of frenz..... THOUSANDS of THEM
i care for their feelings.... CARE for THEM
but wad do i get in returns??

devastated...

i dun hope for a return
i juz hope sumone could give me a frenship..... TRUE FRENSHIP
is it so F**KIN difficult??
i jz dun undstd it

tears rolled down my cheek...

i admit im not a good fren
wen i do good to people...
people will take advantage on me..... TAKE ADVANTAGE

sitting in a CORNER...

im sad.
lookin back at my secondary days, Nitec days, Higher-Nitec days....
i miz my dear frens. i miz my NPCC days. i miz 1T1, 2N1, 3N2, 4N2.
i miz ION. i miz IQQ. all my dear FRENZ.... miz u so much.
no matter wad u guys hav done to me... its all in the past.
for HER.... i miz u damn much....

i post this not to have YOU GUYS have PITY on ME
im juz sharing my stories.... STORIES of MY LIFE

im not NASTY... really

if u guys KNOW ME well......
u know WHO i am
i used to be a TOMBOYISH.... but im NOT a LESBIAN

read my words.... NOT a LESBIAN
so peepz out there....remember THIS....

i AIN'T a LESBIAN

ps: thank you for your co-operation





Blogged @ 11:21 PM

do u ever feel lyk ur being left out by ur frens? i did. not once, not twice, but alwaz. maybe bcuz im so friendly and have a lots of frens, it makes people dun trust me. why? i dunno. i did my bez to be a person who doesn't backstabbed another person EXCEPT if that particular person do dat to me

wake up in the morning and switch on the tv. come across this channel and the religious "ustazah" said "God have alwaz remind His slaves to speaks the truth. why do we have to Lie? but if we Lie and we admit the wrongdoings, we will be forgiven and the sins are written off. it's ok if the truth hurts. cuz from there we learnt the mistakes were made..."

i sat back and think. why do i have to lie? what do i get from Lying?

i dun wanna lose any frenship anymore. i appreciate all my frenz... no matter what they hav done to me, i still love them as my frenz. we wont know when we will leave this world. do we still have regret or wad. do we do sumting dat makes our love ones smile.

why do i say all this? im scared, i admit it. i hav makes a lots of sin, countless. the only thing i could do now is pray to God to forgive all my sin and me, to make sure lessen my sin. we all, Human Beings can run from making any mistakes. but we could at least prevent or admit all our mistakes. therefore, all my frenz out there. i wanna seek ur forgiveness to whom i've made mistakes to u out there....





Blogged @ 9:52 AM