what should i do or react after everything have happen such a short period of time. and i mean everything... i hate this feeling. arghh... when i need someone. where is that someone. gosh. I've becoming more stressful than ever.


Jangan kau pergi meninggalkan aku
Tak sanggup ku berpisah denganmu
Bagaimana nanti, bila aku rindu
Di mana tempat nak ku mengadu
Demi tuhan ku sayang padamu
Airmata menjadi saksinya
Bagaimana lagi, hendak ku buktikan
Kesetiaan nya cintaku ini...


i know he had someone else in his mind.
i should have trust my instinct for that point of time.
i know i shouldn't put much hope on that.
i know he likes someone else.
this instinct is so strong.
the feeling is so great that i just feel like breakdown now and cry my heart out.
maybe its all my fault.
for wanting to risk it all and put hope on it.
i don't know why in the first place i must feel this way.
if only i didn't listen to my peers.
things wouldn't be this way though.
but its too late now.
everything never gonna be the same again.
sometimes...
i can't help it but to envy some of my peers.
they have someone to share their heart.
someone who is faithful enough to be their listening ears.
i never said that i don't have any.
too much peers... in result... who can i put my trust on.
as we grow older, our mind started to roam and trying out new things.
i know i just shouldn't playing with love.
it hurts. so deeply hurt.
i know i should trust my instinct though.
now, it's gonna take a lot of time to forget love.
i know, i must forget him for sure.

"Ya Allah.. Hanya Kau tempat aku mengadu dan berdoa agar aku ditunjukkan ke jalan yang benar dan lurus... Amin..."





Blogged @ 10:35 PM

What is "Stress"?

Definition:

• importance or significance attached to a thing; emphasis: to lay stress upon good manners.
• Phonetics. emphasis in the form of prominent relative loudness of a syllable or a word as a result of special effort in utterance.
• Prosody. accent or emphasis on syllables in a metrical pattern; beat.
• emphasis in melody, rhythm, etc.; beat.
• the physical pressure, pull, or other force exerted on one thing by another; strain.
• Mechanics.
• the action on a body of any system of balanced forces whereby strain or deformation results.
• the amount of stress, usually measured in pounds per square inch or in pascals.
• a load, force, or system of forces producing a strain.
• the internal resistance or reaction of an elastic body to the external forces applied to it.
• the ratio of force to area.
• Physiology. a specific response by the body to a stimulus, as fear or pain, that disturbs or interferes with the normal physiological equilibrium of an organism.
• physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension: Worry over his job and his wife's health put him under a great stress.
• a situation, occurrence, or factor causing this: The stress of being trapped in the elevator gave him a pounding headache.
• Archaic. strong or straining exertion.
• to lay stress on; emphasize.
• to subject to stress or strain.
• Mechanics. to subject to stress.

that's it!
im stress!





Blogged @ 10:31 PM

im here again thinking... am i the one that have to be reflected on or themselves should do that. when things go wrong, everyone started to blame each other. small things become big matter. In this world there are no F.O.C, yes i agree... anyone agreed? Being appreciated.... how do you explained that? when you have done something, are you expecting some return from it? feelin' appreciated? if someone have done something good for me, or to me, should i say "hey, i appreciate ur help" must we actually show it? if everyone does that, where's the meaning of "appreciated" lies at? each and every individual of us have our own style of showing gratitude. doesn't mean we keeping quiet, we don't appreciate people around us. if everything we have to show and express, then where's the true meaning of it? its's like saying "im sorry". if u hav done wrong, and u said, "im sorry", people will forgive you, right. but if u keep doing the same (wrong) thing and saying "im sorry", where's does the meaning lies at? get wad i mean? see the point?

Judging people before they knew each other well will have something bad out of it. TRUST. the big one "T" that people nowadays are afraid of. why do u have to TRUST on someone you just know? but instead, betrayed the TRUST that u have made long before? EGO. the big one "E" that many, THOUSANDS, HUNDREDS of people have it. its something that we cant hide or run from it. it come from the attitude of a person individually. REFLECTION. the big one "R" that many NEVER think of it, but instead ASKING others to do it. Everything in this world are not F.O.C ---->> Remember that, Zie!~ nobody saying that it is for free... but the sincerity that come out of it makes a big difference. what for you hav done something for people, but actually you are expecting something in return? worse! expecting being appreciated. never show people that we wanted to be appreciated. if that person hav a kind heart, he/she will AUTOMATICALLY appreciate people around them.

yes.. i may only be 21 but i hav gone thru' alot of experiences. BTW... experiences doesn't mean how old are you. it takes a lot of things that happens which we must learn from it. i know im bad in writing or talking english. but that doesn't mean im stupid or taking advantage out of it. at my workplace, all my colleagues in my department are CHINESE. im the only one who is MALAY. 1 out of 40. so, how do u think i could adapt to the environment. TRUST.EGO.REFLECTION. bear in mind this three things and i promise, u could get something good out of it. but... i guess those researchers are true about GUYS... even though a gal is 21 and that guy also 21, the GUY mindset is always 3 YEARS YOUNGER than the gal. so... ANY OBJECTION to MADE??

I need you boo 
I gotta see you boo 
And the hearts all over the world tonight 
Said the hearts all over the world tonight 
They need they boo 
They gotta see they boo 
And the hearts all over the world tonight 
Hearts all over the world tonight

Blogged @ 1:59 AM

To the person who knows who you are:

(on behalf of the committee members)

First thing;
We are sorry to make things very difficult for you. To the situation where you do not understand the jokes we crank, the words we express and for the time we spend together during the first night. For almost one and a half year, i guess i could say we don't communicate enough to give a stronger bond between us. We are such a friend that cared for each other, no matter what kind of situation. But the words you wrote in your blog make all of us thinking where we go wrong without a denial fact that we thought we have given you enough attention.

Second thing;
where do things go wrong? here, i wouldn't want to dig up things that are not meant for people to know. Let's not "touch" about the preparation stuffs. What do you have in mind? Is this somehow racist stuff? Come On. You're turning 21 this year. Can you be a little rational in handling things and communication? We know and we agreed that your the type whom is inferior to yourself. But what do you mean that you, your own self observe the treatment we gave you. That's wrong to judge us by your own judgement. Five versus One? How do you judge, anyway? There are so many guests that we need to entertain. Hoping in return that all are equally entertained by us. Doesn't mean you are the only Chinese guy there, we always pin-point on you. Anyway, i thought we have another Eurasian cum Indian guy there too, but why he isn't complaint much about it? Listen hard for what i'm going to say here;

Third thing;
By now, you should have known us and the way we are. You know we love to crank jokes and disturb another one of us but in favour of not to insult or hurt their feelings. So, which jokes that we crank hurt you in or other way? Every jokes that we crank, you know it is meant to be jokes and not to insult OR hurt any; each one of us. We, or rather i, couldn't possibly accept what you wrote in your blog. Your telling us what kind of person you are. Well... let me tell you this too; "you have not seen ANY of me too..." Do Not Test Me. Cause, you never wanna try.

Fourth thing;
So, let me summaries every thing i wanna say. We are friends. We won't humiliate one another of us JUST because we joke or say things that you don't understand. We don't hate you. We hate the attitude that you have in you. Everyone have attitude. But the person himself will decides what kind of attitude he wants in himself. Hate the attitude doesn't mean hate the person. We totally don't understand why you have to make this things so publicly in your blog. We could have discuss this together but instead you wrote in your blog. What you are trying to imply on? That you want attention? Fine, its your blog and you could wrote anything about everything. But be careful, don't ever blame us if things don't turn out to be the way YOU wanted.





No matter how long i have to wait...
No matter how long it will takes...
My love will stay strong...
For love doesn't fade away...

Silence for the reasons we have...
Silence for to keep our friendship strong...
Silence for the time to be precious between us...
Silence for you in my heart always...

I will not let this feelings express...
I will not let this feelings known...
For the prince will have to unlock...
The cure to the princess happiness...






Blogged @ 4:01 PM

Tu me dejastes caer
pero ella me levanto
llamale poca mujer
pero ella me levanto
Tu me dejastes caer
pero ella me levanto
llamale poca mujer
pero ella me levanto

oOOOOohhh pero ella me levanto
eeEEEeehh pero ella me levanto

Me fallaste, abusaste, vacilaste
ella me revivio
me dejaste, te burlaste, ahora es tarde
ella me rescatoo (hey)

limpio mis heridas a tiempo(heyy)
sano todo mi sufrimiento(hey)
por mas que me llore no pienso romper con esa nena que me dice
papi te quieero

llora nena llora llora
viste ma' como son las cosas
llora nena llora llora
heyy dime tu quien se rie ahora
llora nena llora llora
las que juegan se quedan solas
llora nena llora llora

mami y ese cuento no pasa de moda

te quise mas que al mismo cielo
tu eras mi vida ma'
te quise mas que a las estrellas
bandolera
lo nuestro lo echaste por suelo
por el piso ma'
me levanto la mano de ella
dale mambo

Tu me dejastes caer
pero ella me levanto
llamale poca mujer
pero ella me levanto
Tu me dejastes caer
pero ella me levanto
llamale poca mujer
pero ella me levanto

oOOOOohhh pero ella me levanto
eeEEEeehh pero ella me levanto

llora nena llora llora
viste ma' como son las cosas
llora nena llora llora
heyy dime tu quien se rie ahora
llora nena llora llora
las que juegan se quedan solas
llora nena llora llora
y ese cuento no pasa de moda

te quise mas que al mismo cielo
tu eras mi vida ma'
te quise mas que a las estrellas
bandolera
lo nuestro lo echaste por suelo
por el piso ma'
me levanto la mano de ella
dale mambo

Tu me dejastes caer
pero ella me levanto
llamale poca mujer
pero ella me levanto
Tu me dejastes caer
pero ella me levanto
llamale poca mujer
pero ella me levanto

oOOOOohhh
pero ella me levanto
eeEEEeehh
pero ella me levanto

tu te fuiste, me dejaste y me tiraste por el suelo
pero ella me levanto
me dejaste tirao como un perro muerto
pero ella me levanto

llora nena llora llora
que paso ahora vacilo yo
llora nena llora llora
porque un jefe necesita de una buena jefa
oite?

Good bye (good bye) (good bye)

macam best...

i wasnt informed.
shiok siak.
i wasn't that angry.
just MAD.
hoping for BETTER day.


went Bugis with scandalious-curl for dinner.
had fish soup with extra milk w/o vegetable.
and to my surprised...
really no vegetable.
*Zie, Seaweed tu, vegetable ker??*

saapppp....~~





Blogged @ 12:01 AM

Lama Ku Memendam Rasa di Dada
Mengagumi Indahmu Wahai Jelita
Tak Dapat Lagi Ku Ucap Kata
Bisuku Diam Terpesona

Dan Andai Suatu Hari Kau Jadi Milikku
Tak akan Ku Lepas Dirimu Kasih
Dan Bila Waktu Mengizinkan ku
Untuk Menunggu Diri Mu...

Ku Rasa Ku T'lah Jatuh Cinta
Pada Pandangan Yang Pertama
Sulit Bagiku Untuk Bisa
Berhenti Mengagumi Dirinya...

Seiringi Dengan Berjalannya Waktu
Akhirnya Kita Berdua Bertemu
Oh Diriku Tersimpul Malu
Melihat Sikapmu Yang Lucu

Dan Andai Suatu Hari Kau Jadi Milikku
Tak akan Ku Lepas Dirimu Kasih
Dan Bila Waktu Mengizinkan ku
Untuk Menunggu Diri Mu...

Ku Rasa Ku T'lah Jatuh Cinta
Pada Pandangan Yang Pertama
Sulit Bagiku Untuk Bisa
Berhenti Mengagumi Dirinya

Oh.. Tuhan Tolong Diriku
'Tuk Membuat Teman Jadi Milikku, Sayangku, Kasihku, Cintaku
She's All That I Need

Dan Bila Kita Bersama
Kan Ku Jaga Dirimu Untuk Selamanya
Oh... Terima Cintaku
Huuu... Yeah Yeah Yeah..

(Rap)




im started to love this song. i dunno why, but it just smooth into my soul. i know kind of weirdo but yah, im loving it. lots and lots of things come to my mind. i just dunno how to let go. im gonna be strong

sapp!!!~~

someone waiting to be treated, huh??
*Tak Tahu Malu Kappeeerr.....??*

up up and away

Zasss.....~~

i miss my Stephlicious, Joyah And Tipah








Blogged @ 12:16 AM

Listen,
To the song here in my heart
A melody I've start
But can't complete

Listen, to the sound from deep within
It's only beginning
To find release

Oh,
the time has come
for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own
all cause you won't
Listen....

[Chorus]
Listen,
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home, in my own home
And I tried and tried
To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Oh,
Now I'm done believin you
You don't know what I'm feelin
I'm more than what, you made of me
I followed the voice
you gave to me
But now I gotta find, my own..

You should have listened
There is someone here inside
Someone I'd thought had died
Sooo long ago

Ohh I'm free now and my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside on words
Into your arms
All cause you won't
Listen...

[Chorus]

I don't know where I belong
But i'll be movin on
If you don't....
If you won't....

LISTEN!!!...
To the song here in my heart
A melody I've start
But I will complete

Oh,
Now i'm done believin you
You dont know what I'm feelin
I'm more than what, you made of me
I followed the voice, you think you gave to me
But now I gotta find, my own..
my own...




im going to be very, very busy this week.my grand-dad was just admitted to the Changi General Hospital.which means i have to go and fro Home = Work = Hospital = Home.on Friday night, was meeting Mummy Fiona for dinner and accompanied her to bought some stuff when my mum called me informed me that my grand-dad was admitted to the A&E.took taxi and send Mummy home first and off i went to CGH A&E.waited for 3 hrs and finally grand-dad was successfully admitted ard 1.30am, Ward 44."Buay Tahan Lei".while waiting for the admission;my sis was playing the PSP;my cousin Nikmat was watching the TV;my mum & me was asleep.my dad and his siblings were inside the consultant room doing what also dunno.just now when go visit my grand-dad in the morning, the Doc say that my grand-dad have to go for an Operation for his Left Hip in order for him to be able to walk again.Lucky i didnt went for the trip wif Zie.or not i wouldnt have enjoyed myself when i heard about my grand-dad's condition."Sorry Zie..."now,all we have to do is to pray to God may He sheltered my grand-dad from any worse condition.

anyway,i have decided to forget about my love-story.i realised that it will only cause me hurt.no use looking for love when love bleeds.i just hate that kind of feeling.i would better off single than having to hurt myself.to him who gives me false hope;i dun blamed you.love cant be forced,i know.to him who i love dearly;let time lead the way.if your fated to be with me,you will.for now,i guess i want to be alone.i dun wanna think of you.i wanna get rid of this feeling...







Blogged @ 6:36 PM

the lyrics:


I been sitting here so long
Thinkin how this came to be
Don’t know if it’s right or wrong
Cos you’re the closest friend to me
You’re the one that I would call
When I needed somebody there
I know it makes no sense
But would you understand

If I say that I love you
If I told you what’s the deal
If I say that I love you
Tell me how you feel
If I say that I love you
Would you like at me the same
Cos I don’t know wanna throw it all away

If I say that I love you
If I say that I love you
Tell me how you feel
If I say that I love you
Throw it all away

Baby I can’t look into your eyes
Cos Im scared that you might see
What I feel inside
What you really mean to me
And baby I can’t run away
So I really need to know
Need to know

If I say that I love you
If I say that I love you
Tell me how you feel
If I say that I love you
Throw it all away




i guess everyone is right
i shouldnt force myself into this.
why go to the relationship when im alone tryin.
its been hard these days.
i cant do wad i think.
i thought by turning my love for someone else it would be good enough for me.
but i guess im wrong.
the more i try to change this feeling,
the more it grow.
the more i try to forget him,
the more his shadow comes towards me.
why am i so scared to tell him, "i love you" ?
when this 3 words can change my life.
my heart is in dazed.
why im trying to deny the fact that my love for him growing stronger everyday?
why am i trying to turn this love for someone else who never appreciates me?
why do i give this pure love to someone else that dun need it?
20%...
is that all you have in ur heart for me?
80%...
being hard for you to forget ur ex?
am i hypocrite?
changing my feelings towards someone else who dun appreciates?
im going to turn 21 this year.
why cant i think maturely?
"...i just need you to be patience. i need to find out wads truly in my heart... trust me.. if im ready, ur the first to know... BUT IF YOU FIND SOMEONE ESLE DURING THIS TIME.... GO AHEAD.... I WONT HOLD YOU BACK..."
wad is he trying to say?
that 20% is all he have for me?
i tried to love him all i could...
with my purest heart..
and this wad i get...
i kill my love for him to be with you.
i forget my love for him to be with you.
i lied my feelings for him just to be with you.
but why everytime im alone,
its him that is in my mind.. but not you?
wasnt your supposed to be in my mind wen im down or alone.
why him?
why my feelings towards him just dun wanna fade away.
i love him... but im trying to love you too.
but i cant lie to myself.
i can lie to people around me,
but not myself.
and i know you never ever have feelings for me.
its just me who trying to get ur love to forget him.
im trying to love you to forget him.
i know i could...
if only you try harder.
but your not doing anything.
i've done wad ever i could.
but instead you...
left me hanging like that.
i hate this kind of feeling.
here im trying so hard,
there you breaking it off.
and worst.
ur comparing me with ur EX.
i forget my love for him to be with you.
bcuz i know.
he have someone else.
but this love just wont fade away.
im tired.
i cant lie to myself anymore.
and yes.
i DO love someone elses.
i thought we could be together.
but you have made me hate you again and again.
20% is all you have for me...???
just say that you dun have feelings for me.
why make it hard for both of us?
why must you played with my feelings?







spend the whole night yesterday.
with Azhari, Eqin & Hakim.
sat at the esplanade, thinking, talking, discussing about my feelings towards both of them.
To Azhari;
thanks for being there to listen. even though we never meet always, your still one of my clans. just call me up if you need listening ears. i'll be there.
To Eqin & Hakim;
take it as a bad experience. for once, now you know my past. even though not all, you can decide wad kind of girl i am.
To Kenny & Ken Neo;
thanks for the fast-meet-up. and sorry to make you guys suffer a bit of insomnia. meet you guys up for outing after i came back, okay.
To Azizun;
thanks for picking up my call to let me vent my anger on. i know i've been such a J**k to be in this situation. just bear with me, okay.
To Shikin;
thanks dear for being there. you hang on there...for the sake of our friendship.





Blogged @ 7:36 AM

the love just flowing thru inside our heart....
its an unexplainable feeling....
i just hope it keeps growing...
i love you..
and u know its true...





Blogged @ 12:39 PM