i dunno what is going thru my mind. there's alot of things playing thru my mind. at work, things are getting complicated... ive been running away from everything. im trying to deny everything that happens. why im in this state. i dunno who to tell, who to share. sometimes its not that im doing this on my thoughts.arghh...no one could understand this.

1. i love hanging out with era & yanie. i loved their companied. they let me become me. they respect me the way i am. but why others just cant seem to understand this? others thought that im becoming one of them which im TOTALLY not. im still straight. just because my appearance looks like a "tomboy", dress up the way im comfortable in, doesnt mean im becoming Les or Butch. just because im started to be close with era & yanie, doesnt mean im changing to be one of them. i love being who i am. i dun wan to lie to myself who am i or how i dress up. i want to be me. the way i am. not being someone else who wants to be "in".

2. im not lying telling that i have to look after my mum. the fact is im tired and my mum is gg to be alone at home. and mind ur words. i dun lie to my mum for fucking stupid reason. yes, i do lie to my mum but its only IF i have to, but due to some reason. i dun lie to my mum if i want to go out with my frens. and for ur info i did tell my mum wherever i gone to. Karaoke, Chalet, Overnight or whatsoever. i dun have to lie to my mum cuz im 21 right now. i told my mum where im going, with who im gg out with. i dun have to lie to my mum. so, back off. u dun have the rights to call me names. instead, reflect urself to the mirror and know ur wrongdoings. dun find other people mistakes when urs are worse.

3. i love being with kid. yes, she's a butch. but i dun fall for kid. for me, i love kid's company. kid respect me who i am. kid makes my day whenever im with kid. but i just regard kid as my younger ones. like i treat wankie. i care for them no matter who they are. but i just dun understand why people thought im becoming one of them. my dressing? i love to wear what im comfortable with. i dun like to act me. i want to be me. kid, i treat like how i treat wankie. haiz.... i just dun understand people nowadays...

4. Love and Death is all pre-destined from HIM. we cant predict who we fall in love with or when we will die. i know until now he's still waiting for me. but i cant do anything. i know my colleagues dun want me to be with him. i live it to GOD. HE knows what is the best for me. as for me, i just follow with the flow. like what people always says..... we only can plan, but He will decide....

5. my heart are hurt by their words. indirectly, i feel the pinch in my heart. i dunno if its meant to be a joke or sarcastic. yes, they makes me lose face in front of everyone. but i put on a brave, happy smile. for them, are the frens whom i dunno to regard as what...





Blogged @ 5:43 PM