today i just feel writing this post in malay.
*for those Non-Malay reader, bear wif me in this post*


ku terpaut sejak pertemuan itu
hatiku berkata ingin mengenalimu
setiap malam wajahmu terbayang
disaksikan sinaran bulan

titisan hujan bagaikan harapan ku
bintang dilangit tak mungkin kan tercapai
tinggi gunung jadi penghalang
hasratku pun sayap

aku terduduk terfikir sejenak
adakah dia orang yang bersalah membuat aku sebegini
tidur malam ku sudah tidak lena
makan tak terasa kenyang
bah kan seperti mandi tak kebasahan

namun,
ujian datang mendatang.

apakah aku harus melalui semua ini?

adakah dia sengaja membuat aku merasakan seperti aku berterbangan di awangan?

apakah aku terpaksa melalui perasaan sebegini?

perasaan cinta,
ikatan seperti bergantung tidak bertali.

aku tertanya-tanya.......

apakah benar apa yang aku fikirkan?

membuat aku berkhayal di tengah lautan,
membuat aku bermimpi berterbangan di awangan.

aku kesal dengan tindakan aku selama ini.

adakah aku patut bermasam muka dengan nya setiap hari?
adakah aku patut berkelakuan biadap dengan nya setiap hari?

tapi sampai bila?

there's a long, long way to go.

aku marah bila aku tahu dia akui aku teman wanita nya kepada yang lain.
aku cemburu bila dia bergurau senda bersama teman yang lain.

why must i be feeling this way?
why must this jealousy build up?

aku marah.
geram dengan tindakan dia.

tapi benar kah dengan apa yang dikatakan oleh temanku?

aku egoistic?
dia egoistic?
dua-duanya egoistic?

hah...

haruskah aku buang ego aku ke tepi dan berbaik dengan nya?
patutkah aku buang segala ego yang berada di dalam diriku dan menerimanya kembali dalam hidupku?

hidup penuh dengan pertanyaan....

haruskah?
patutkah?
mengapakah?

aku buntu.





Blogged @ 9:28 PM

was this tears supposed to mean anything or wad?

cant believe for the fact that i cried again. why am i feeling this way? i should have expected it. why do i always realise something after its to0 late? why? i know i have always fall for him. kenape ego aku tinggi sangat? for the smallest mistakes that he always do, i make it as if he've done something big. asal dengan aku nie? what's wrong with me? dammit!~

i cry and cry until there's no more tears. i cant accept it. WTF ~ why he changed? or maybe i don't know him well yet. i've been ignoring Bear's advises, denying the fact that always true. i've fallen for him but was hurt by his wrongdoings. instead of helping him, in fact im drowning him in. and i shd hav known the answer by the way he acts, the wa he msges me. darn !~

i cant cry anymore. im tired. my mind are tired of this thinking. i need someone. obviously not him. maybe i shdnt choose both. maybe i shd move on with life. forget both of them. i cant keep on hurting everyone's feelings. Pheez is right. i shd move on wif my life. dun go back to the "Ex-es" as it will only reflect the past mistakes.

Mashitah was right too. sooner or later he will get to know my true feelings. better tell me earlier than hurting him even more. but how? where do i start? maybe im better off single. didnt have to think about love life.

or maybe.... maybe i shd change my job. to forget him, to forget my ex and to change into a new "Ain".


To Lutfir,

thanks for the special moments that was spent together. those times where u fall for me no matter who i am. the way u stare, the way u look, the times we fight, i miss those times. though all the words were revealed, the lines are cleared. commitment aint easy to be one. maybe we are better off as friends. for sure, ur not ready. i can read from those eyes of urs. those three letter words after all, doesnt mean anything for real. yes, it hurts me. but wounds will be heal when times pass by. the biggest sacrifice u've made really touch me even though i never ever express it to you. let it be a secret in me. i know you wouldnt read this but i just want to express my feelings here. i'll be changing for better. im not the "Ain" you used to know. i'll change.






im such an asshole... im sorry...





Blogged @ 11:59 PM

pissed off. flight was given to my team were fucking sucks. i swear. giving 5am flight for JT(Lion Air) is already a thankful one. but in return, 6.50am flight for CX(Cathay Pacific) was way too bad. already the JT Flight ending at 6.30, waiting for it to push off some more. close gate at 6.40am. rushed all the way from C22 to D42. macam &&^$%$@%^(*)( !!!!!. but my team cool.. we do as we're told to. even though vulgarities flow like running water, we still heed the deployment instruction, unlike other teams. so total 5 flights for the night shift. pheww!~ wad a night shift!~

been doing a lot of thinking recently.

someone ever ask me, "what is ur dream?"

i kept quiet. dun even know what to reply or answer to that question. never ever across my mind about my dream. i was stunned for seconds. what could i say ? my mind was blank at that time. i couldn't think, what's more replying to that particular question.

that someone asked me again "don't you wanna get rich?"

double-stunned. i cant seem to get the answer. what should i say? damn it. never think of any like that before. as for me, as long i have enough money to spend, eat, give my parents, that's enough. i dun ask too much. what for? i thought we must be thankful for all that God have given us. why ask for more? correct me if im wrong, yes, we must think for our future, what we want in our life, but why ask for more if that is given to us? "bersyukur lah dengan ape yang diberiNya"

anyway...

A is in dilemma. A dunno what to do wif her life. B is her Past. C is her Present. A have fallen for C but B have put high hopes on A. C still have not made his decision while B have always ready to sacrifice for A. A is still hoping for C while playing along with B. A is stuck right now. She hoping for C but at the same time, B have loved her all his heart. wad shd A do ?

1. Forget C and move on with B.
2. Tell B that A doesn't love him and stay as friends.
3. Clarify things with C and start all over again.
4. Forget both B and C, and move on .


haiz... pls. vote!





Blogged @ 12:19 PM

Last Saturday, meet up wif the gangs of NDP 08. not all turn up but i do enjoy the day. i sit and relax by the beach. enjoying the breeze, watching strangers playing beach soccer. oh.. an not forgetting the pics i took with my dearest buddies;

Siti Naqiah Binte Mohd Nahadi; and
Juaini Binte Ishak







i love them lots.... i swear !~






Blogged @ 2:41 PM

stress out wif the family. not mine, but my relatives. why is this happening to my close-distance relatives. those who used to be very close to me, the cousin who joke around wif me, i miss those times. those laughters, those smiles, those happy times. all the old ones sit and talk about last times, the young ones camwhore on-stop and keep on teasing each other. singing in the van, switching of position, during those hari raya days... i miss those times...





Blogged @ 2:22 PM

If a girl cries in front of you, it means that she couldn't take it anymore...
If you take her hand, she would stay with you for the rest of your life...
If you let her go, she couldn't go back to being herself anymore...
A girl wont cry easily, except if in front of the person who she love the most, she becomes weak...
A girl wont cry easily, only when she loves you the most, she put down her ego...

Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of you
Please hold her hands firmly, she's the one who would stay with you forthe rest of your life.
Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of you, please dont give her up, maybe bcoz of your decision, you ruin her life.
When she cry rite in front of you, when she cry bcoz of you,
Look into her eyes, Can u see n feel the pain n hurt she's feeling?

Think....Which other girl have cried wif pure sincerity, Infront of you, And bcoz of you?
She cry not because she is weak,
She cry not bcoz she want sympathy or pity,
She cry, Because crying silently is no longer possible, the pain, hurt, n agony have become too big a burden to be kept inside...

Guys, Think about it...
If a girl cry her heart out 2 you, And all because of you,
Its time to look back on wat u have done, Only you will know the answer to it.
Do consider it.

Coz one day..
It may be too late for regrets,
It may be too late to say "im sorry".
Ponder this blog seriously.
Dont do this to a girl,
You may regret for the rest of your life.
Maybe in your life, she's the only one that love YOU the most...
AND THIS GIRL CAN STILL AND WILL STILL ABLE TO CRY REMINISCIN DA PERSON SHE USED TO LOVE DA MOST.
Maybe she still does love him, maybe she jus will keep da love silently in her heart alone... to show others she has moved on and strong...
BUT ONLY GOD noes..





Blogged @ 9:34 PM